Dear,i'm so sorry......


Dear already 1o hours......
Please don't left me alone.....
You know that what will happen when you does not bother me.......
You know about me......
Please i really don't know what going on......
I really don't know what is happen until you don't want bother me for 10 hours already......
Now already is 1.30 before dawn,you still haven reply me any message or call.....
I don't know i find you for how many times already.......
I really don't know whether is you busy or really is me do wrong or say wrong to you......
Make you does not reply me for 10 hours already.......
I really very worry and also very scare......
I really don't know what can i do now........
I just can waiting for you reply me or call me.......
I now have a impluse wanted go your house find you......
But i know i can't so impulse say wanted find you then go find you......
So i choose for cool down and have patience for waiting you......
Dear,please i just wanted you reply me and tell me what is happen when you didn't reply me times......
You know that i very worry about you......
And i scare you just left me alone here and does't wanted bother me.......
Please,i'm very very very sorry for everythings.......
Dear,please i really very feel sorry to you.....
I not purposely wanted make you angry and feel out of sorts.......
I really don't know why my mood suddenly so bad and say wrong things already......
Please don't left me alone here and please bother me......
Dear,i'm really feel very sorry......
Please forgive me.....
I really hope have miracle that you will reply me......
I will keep on waiting for you until you reply me even didn't sleep........
Please,dear......
I'm so sorry,dear......

心情一次有一次掉入谷地......



今天一早就被xx叫醒一起去跑步了.......
最近身体差和很少跑步了......
就一起去跑步了,我们也很就没有一起跑步了......
以前我们都以不同的身份一起跑步,现在我们的身份又不一样了.......
很自然的感觉也不一样了.........
但是我们还跟以前一样跑步时都爱玩,作弄人和比赛了.......
到最后我就差那一点赢他了.......
然后我们就坐着休息,那时我们聊了好多东西.......
对不起,我们可能不能像以前一样了......
因为人自然的会因一些事而改变的......
可能你会找到比我更好的吧.......
之后我们回家咯,回到家就想要看下爸有没有打给我.......
然后我才发现我的手机吊匙的熊不见了........
我很慌张的在找,我的眼泪就突然的掉出来了.......
我真的很紧张,我真的不知道要怎样......
我不能不见那个东西的,很重要的......
我紧张的样给xx看到了,他也开始慌张的问做么......
我说我的东西不见了,他也帮我找......
但还是找不到,我就一直在掉眼泪,他就一直在tAm我......
HaIz~不见了.....我不知道要怎样......
之后就太累了和被他叫到休息下......
之后醒来时已经是12点了,要出去店帮爸了......
心情还是一样还没收拾好,哭的感觉还在.......
然后就sMs找你咯......想知道你现在在做么.......
然后被你问到做么酱迟才起身......
就告诉你因为刚哭过和太累了,又去休息了......
又被你问到为何哭了,那时哭的感觉又出来了.......
告诉你因为她送我的手机吊匙不见了......
你问为何那么紧张那个吊匙,不见了就叫那个人买回给我......
我当然紧张啦,因为那个东西再买回来就没有意义了,那天她送给我的诺言和所说的话全都没有了......
就不再重要了,我紧张是因为她是我好朋友,和那个东西带着我们之间的诺言......
对不起,可能那时心情不好对你发了小小的脾气......
然后你就在tAm说你会帮我找回的......
心情才开始冷静下来,是不是因为你tAm回我才好呢........
但心情始终还是很不开心.......
然后因为我们说到一些东西......
你就从那时不再回我的mSg了......
我不知道到底是我说错东西,做错事还是你太忙了.......
我的心情又开始不稳定了,又开始紧张了,开始担心了,很着急的在找你.......
我打给你,你不接,我sMs你,你不回........
那时我很清楚的知道我又做错事了,说错话了......
我不知道要怎样很想立刻飞去找你.......
但我还是选择冷静下来等你回我......
但等着等着,我足足等了10个小时你都没回我......
我从4.30等到凌晨1.30你都没回我.......
我的心情很直接的掉进谷地了......
我现在真的不知道要怎样......
现在每个人都在睡觉而我就一直在等你回我......
可能我要等到明天早上了......
我真的希望有奇迹的出现......
我真的希望你会回我,我真的很紧张的......
真的,快点回我......
真的很对不起......
好了不写了我还要再等下去.......
等到明天早上,早上没有回等到下午,下午没有回等到晚上......
总之会等到你回我为止我才可以安心的去休息了......
好了,晚安咯......
MuAcKz~

25/8/2009



Haiz~
Since i write blog until now this is the first time i write english until so moody......
Don't know why......
Actually my daddy know that i hate alone and scare alone.......
But he always also wanted me alone at home.......
Tomorrow i must alone again......
Yesterday i think i can go other people house then i not need alone at home already......
But when night time the people tell me tomorrow wanted go out with friend then can't......
Haiz~i plan okay the thing already destory already......
Now just can accept my daddy the decide alone at home......
Nowadays something happen so i must alone for everyday.......
Don't wanted how to explain the feeling........
But i still don't want at home so i go find mok ask her wanted go out or not......
But she say she tomorrow wanted go see doctor......Haiz~alone.....
Then she call me call xinlu they go out.........Haiz~not need already.......
Haiz~then go find hsin yang ask her tomorrow at home or not......
I went to her house do revision......
But she say her daddy wanted take her go singapore for 3 days.....Haiz~alone......
Weng han them all not free......Haiz~alone......
The god seem wanted me alone at home........
So i accept what the god want alone at home.......
And because of this thing quarrel with my daddy......
He know me hate alone some more wanted me alone.......
And actually have partner can accompany me that is my xx......
But my daddy bring him out already.......
So no one at home just left me and i don't know what i going to do......
Maybe just sleep until next morning don't want wake up already.......
But can't because my daddy say he will calling me every 1 hour......
Because he say he scare i do wrong thing and wanted know i have having thing or not.......
Daddy i really know you very love me but you also know i don't like alone......
You some more wanted me do dislike the thing......
Daddy i now not blame you just wanted tell you......
Me don't want alone so i keep try my best call all people see whether who at home i go their house do revision but does't have one at home......
All also wanted go out for fun......Haiz~is okay......
Then go ask my sifu for going out watch movie because yesterday wanted tuition can't accompany him.........
But he went for jian yew birthday party.....Haiz~alone.....
So finally the conclusion also is me alone at home........
Does't have a place can let me in just at home alone........
I hate alone......why always wanted me alone.......
Why suddenly the plan destroy i will feel so sad and wanted cry......
Cry for me already common at this month.....
At this month i don't know i already cry how long already until wanted how cry and cry the feel is how i also don't know already.......
Maybe already paralyzed on cry so don't that all thing......
And the tear will drop itself already so i also can't control at all......
And feel tired already i also don't want because of don't want alone and blame and quarrel with daddy or with you.......
I just wanted say out i hate alone and why must destory my plan......
But nevermind because of you wanted went out with friend and daddy wanted went out with xx.......
So i just can accept must alone at home......
And nowadays i always alone at home already so now just one day alone is okay......
Maybe next time alone will mind set in my mind and i will go for habit it......
So i now does't have any quanlification go and blame you all.....
I'm so sorry......
I think alone now must mind set in mind already........
But still feel very hate alone......
Haiz~alone.......

Suddenly me so abnormal.......



Today my daddy n sister wanted me accompany them go for the book fair at KLCC......
Actually the book fair i wanted go very long time already......
Finally have people accompany me go.......
On saturday time i asked you whether wanted go but you not free then me decide don't want go already now finally my daddy n sister wanted go.......
I feel happy because can go that book fair,because i waiting it very long already......
Because i cant buy the book i wanted.......
The book import from taiwan......
Morning time i feel today will be a good day sure feel very happy......
But i'm wrong already because have someone i dislike follow us......
That time i really does't wanted go that book fair already.....
But at least i still go because my sister wanted me go.......
Okay,fine.....i hear what my sister say......
Finally reach there have many people at there already.......
Then my sister went for buy ticket because over 18th must buy ticket only can enter......
After that, i accompany my sister go for looking she wanted the book.....
We two like a noob girl walk until the end still can't find the book......
My sister really wanted kill me because i already catch cool,not well already some more wanted me accompany her walk so long.......
Then she only say we go asked stand at there the people......
I wanted kill her already now only say,and she some more wanted me helping her asked.......
She really very clever,she wanted the book call me go ask.....
Okay,i help her then go ask a guy stand at there......
When the guy turn over my here i only konw is my friend......
He already so handsome already,make me also don't know who are him......
Lucky he call my name i only know,make me so shy......
Then we keep on stay chating until his's friend keep on asking him who are me.......
Me also so shy because distrub they working.......
Then they keep call him take phone number from me,and ask some weird question.......
They ask i got boyfriend or not......feel that them so funny.......
We stand at there talk so long time already and something shy thing happen......
I suddenly shut down then going fall down lucky my friend holding me......
OMG.....really so shy because of yesterday night catch cool so only will shut down suddenly......
Today i really feel very happy and you also say me today very high when call you time......
Because of i meet a friend that we long time didn't meet and so miss him.......
I really so miss him because last time just he help me and care me so much......
Last time really can't lost of him but his family wanted move so we lost of contact......
But today the god let us meet again,me really feel very happy and high......
That's why today the me really abnormal......
But after that i know myself will won't so happy and high anymore......
Because of before that already too abnormal already so after that won't happen anymore......
And today also happen many things.......
Have some of its is i dislike,have some of its will let me feel happy........
But i also wanted control myself the emotional because i scare will happen something......
If i really didn't go and control myself......
And i still remember what you say before and what i promise you before......
Today the book fair i only konw that i could be alone for a long time even i dislike.......
The hold book fair also me alone walk and see whether what i wanted buy......
Then i walk through the language part i remember that i can buy a book of english gammar for you because you wanted to imporve.......
But even how i choose very long time still can't find a book suit for you......
And i suddenly remember you will dislike because you friend already give you......
But i still choose call for you see whether you really wanted or not......
But hear you say seem like you tired to imporve already.....
Then i choose don't want buy already.......
Later,continues walk ,i went to the taiwan import to here the book.......
Finally let me see i wanted and find it very long time the book......
The time i really feel happy and my friend also get shock i so abnormal.......
Because he really long time didn't see me don't know i change already......
He say if wanted then just buy it he say he will pay......
But my daddy don't let me buy those book.....
So i never accept he wanted to give me the book.......
But when i feel down time i saw my baby.....
My baby is my uncle the smaller daughter,that i long time didn't see the baby......
Really very miss her,see it her i faster walk front of her then hug her......
She also very happy when see it me,me tooo......
She long time didn't sms me,even she have handphone......
I tell your all something she just standard two then have phone already......
After that,she rush wanted go back,so miss her.......
Then i continues with my friend,he really very cute,funny and handsome......
Keep on make me laugh,he still remains know what i thinking.......
Suddenly let him shock still remember what i wanted and suddenly feel like not freedom.....
But its okay......we two last time was a good good friend.......
After that,my daddy say wanted buy besta......
Then go see,finally buy two of the besta,one is mine and other is my sister.......
Finish buying the besta we two still continues chating.......
That time let me meet it ah yau.....she also alnoe.....
But that time she wanted back if not sure catch her go drink coffee with my friend......
Because they two also so like drink coffee but nowadays he say no really like coffee.....
After that,my daddy say wanted go already because all also hungry.......
So is time we say good bye already,so miss him......
He promise me will come find me went out and yumcha......
Then say good bye to him went back and go for having lunch......
That time the mood still down already......
So after that the thing me also don't want say so much......
Because me also don't want those thing happen.......
Already feel very tired after going the book fair wanted rest but my daddy say later wanted went out again......
Me have no choice just can follow what my daddy say.......
Today really abnormal awhile feel very happy,very high,awhile feel very down......
Me start don't understand myself......
And start don't know wanted how maybe of heart gone.......
But i still try my best continues understand myself and go and search what i wanted......
Okay,already abnormal don't want talk some many if not later don't know what happen.....
But i already control myself won't do something wrong......
Abnormal the me really very abnormal......

Tired tired tired.........





Nowadays i feel so so so tired.......
I wanted go for rest......
Wanted rest until forever......
Isn't me can sleep for forever does't wake up anymore????
I really hope that i can do it a.......
Because nowadays really many things happen suddenly.......
I feel very scare at all those things.......
Now i wanted to rest does't wanted settle those all things......
I really have think before does't wanted settle those all problem......
Wanted rest rest rest......
But i hear what you say before and remember what you say before.......
You say if i never settle those all things you wont wanted talk to me anymore......
So i choose hear what you say to me......
So that i go for settle those all problem because i know that you wanted me happy already do many things on it......
I feel very happy and touch you really wanted make me happy......
And just you can make me feel happy from that heart even the heart already gone......
Heart gone already but i still wanted you can really feel happy then you wanted me do what also can ......
Even i how try hard go for settle those all problem but still can't get that answers i wanted.....
Even i can't get the answers i wanted but i still try my best to do it.......
Finally i settle half of the problem.......
The problem have relationship with myself,my family,my friend and have relationship about i will move or not........
But i already settle half of it,but my mood still remains.......
The mood still remains moody,still so down......
This week i already cry for everyday i wanted to stop it but can't.......
But the tear still drop......drop until i don't know wanted how to cry already......
Who can help me????god????you????me????
I just wanted myself back,my mood back........
But nowadays i feel very tired and tired already don't want think too much on it.......
I just wanted rest let my mind can reset clear.......
I really very lack of sleep already.......
I always also hope can sleep very well when i lying on the bed but even i early go for sleep it still remains i also late close my eye......
Or not i close my eye for the 1 or 2 hours then wake up again.......
It still remains i have sleep also equals to i does't sleep at all......
You can help me sleep well????
How you calling me sleep early i also will hear but is the same i still lack of sleep still feel very very very tired.......
Isn't my spirit feel tired or the brain feel tired or my body feel tired a????
I just wanted know the answers.......
I really really very tired already........
When i can really go for rest????

心情超糟,超dOwN,超反常,超不顺心,心也飞走的一个月.......

这个月不管做些什么都很不顺利也没有心情想要做.......
不管再怎样努力的去想办法做出来到最后还是没有结果的结束了........
这个月真的发生很多自己很不想要的事.......
这个月所发生的事已经让我担心和害怕了好久........
没有想到会在同一个时间发生.......
也没有想到会那么快就发生了.......
虽然自己已经知道会发生的但还是没有充分的心里准备......
所以一再的被那些事把自己吓得不像人.......
事情发生后好想找个可以很有耐心,很冷静的人借我他/她的耳朵.......
好让我能把心里埋藏好久的愤怒,伤心,开心,痛苦都一次过说完.......
我不会想要那人给我些建议还是什么........
我只想要那人能很有耐心和很冷静的听我说我的烦恼........
这样就够了.......好让我能把自己的心情整理好.......
我的要求应该不会过分吧......
我想了好久我最终的决定就是找你........
把我埋藏好久的烦恼说完出来,好让我的心情能够平稳下来.......
因为我相信你,信任你,重视你,知道你不会把我的事告诉别人和可以很有耐心和很冷静的听我说烦恼.......
我把所有的事都告诉你了,你也很有耐心的在听.......
可是为何就是不能完成我的要求呢........
你总是爱说你不是一个很好的朋友,说自己很没用永远都帮不了朋友的人........
说我选择找你把心里话都说给你听是错的........
因为你不懂要给些什么建议等.......
叫我还是去跟一个能真的帮到我,给到建议我的人........
我听后永远只会有失落两字.......
因为你就连我那么小的要求都不能给我........
我要的只是你能很有耐心和很冷静的听我说........
我不要你给些我什么建议还是叫我去找别人的........
当你跟我说那些时,我都不会选择怪你........
因为是我自己的错,错在我没有告诉你我的要求.........
而且你也做到了我要的就是能很有耐心和很冷静的听我说.........
我真的很开心因为只有你能这样的听我说心里话........
也只有你能真正的让我从心里笑出来,开心起来虽然我的心已经消失了.......
我也很清楚的知道你很努力的让我开心.......
我真的很感动和开心的.........
这个月所发生的事都是自己,家人,朋友和关系到自己要搬出去的事.......
这些事之前都已经知道会发生的但还是没有心里准备和还是很害怕.......
但那些事竟然一次过的在同一个星期里发生了........
真的让我伤到很重,心也碎了,感情也毁了,身体也受伤了.......
到最后受伤还是自己了.......心再怎么找怎么粘也没用了.........
我还是时候学会接受这些事了.......
是时候接受会让自己受伤的事实........
是时候接受自己的心已经消失了已经碎了的事实........
但不管那心已经消失和碎了但自己还会感到很痛.......
那些事已经让自己哭了一个星期了也让自己在朋友面前扮的很开心........
在朋友面前扮得那么开心还在他们面前勉强自己在笑已经够了.......
不管我再怎么努力让自己真正开心和笑还是不可以........
但在你面前我永远还是扮不出开心和笑的样子........
很自然的自己真正的开心和笑起来是因为只有你才让我能这样.......
我现在好希望那些不开心的事能快点消失.......
好让自己能像之前酱开心.......
现在的我也差不多要解决完所有的事了.......
只剩下我到底要搬去哪里呢.......
因为最近家里发生了事所以每一天都只剩我一个人在家.......
到了晚上也一样,我超怕一个人也讨厌一个人..........
所以我到底应该怎样呢????
搬吗????还是什么?????
现在的我真的不知道下秒我会做出什么......
所以我选择不要留在家,搬出去......
我现在真的很想很想休息了,坚持了那么久终于感到累了.......
终于有累的感觉了很想休息了........
发生那么多事我从来没有好好的休息,有休息也等于没有.......
因为躺下休息后,然后又醒了,因为怕下秒不知道有什么事发生.......
可是现在我真的很想躺着休息了,真的很累了.......
谁可以叫我睡觉和tAm我睡觉和看着我睡觉.......
至少我不用像现在酱那么累了还睡不早.......
真的真的累了,是时候休息了,谁可以帮我????

心是否还能回来吗......


你的心到现在都还没回来......
你竟然可以因为一个人而弄到自己心痛,辛苦,伤心,难过和难受.......
至于连你的心也可以因为他而不见了......
已经消失了,再也找不回了......
你知道我知道你的心因为他而消失后有几心疼,心痛,伤心,难受,也很不爽吗????
嗨.....你不知道因为我不懂要怎样告诉你.......
我现在很不爽你可以因为他而这样,至于也很心疼,心痛,伤心......
我不爽是因为你的心是因为他而消失而不是我.......
心疼,心痛和伤心是因为你的样变的很无神了.......
而随时都会做出不该做的事.........
我真的真的很心疼你啊!!!!!!!!
我的心又为了你再次心疼和痛了.......
我真的真的很爱你的........
我很怕很怕失去你啊........
没有你我不知道我会是什么样子.......
我的心和所有会不会因为你的离去而跟着离去呢????
我不想失去你,没有你我宁愿不要存在世上.......
因为我不敢想象我会比以前还更死吗.......
那时的我真的会比以前还要伤心,辛苦,心疼.......
失去一个很爱又重要的人是件很辛苦的事.......
失去后这颗心就好像碎掉了........
我很怕会有这种感觉啊.......
看到你这个样子我决定了要帮你找回真正属于你的心......
不让再心痛和心疼了,可以让你更开心的面对所有的事.......
因为我只有那么一个要求就是你能开心就够了.......
你能过的开心其他的事我都可以不要.......
虽然我知道你因为他而变成这样会让我感到心很酸酸.......
但我还是一样的帮你因为我真的很关心你和爱你的.......
我还是依然选择对你好.......希望你开心......



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有时我并不在敷衍你而是我只想简单点回答你的问题........
你想要什么,你想要怎样我都尽我的能力去满足你........
不管到最后后果会是很严重还是我会怎样.......
可是不管我再怎么满足你还是不够的.......
永远只会有敷衍两字......
每次当你一说我敷衍你我都会很努力的在反醒自己了........
可是当我在反醒时,我所得到的竟然就是你不理我了.......
我就会好像个疯子般一直在打给你,sMs给你........
可是不管我怎样找你,你都不会理我了.......
我就会更紧张的问自己我到底做错什么了.........
我又做到他不喜欢的事了.........
那时我又开始精神崩溃了.........
我跟你说了很多次不要突然间不理我了,我不知道自己会做出什么的.......
我也不知道自己会变成什么样的.......
到时我又不知道自己会不会做出伤害自己的事的.......
可是每次我都会很努力的去控制自己不要再做你不喜欢的事了.......
平时我都会很有耐心的在等的........
但当你突然间不理我,我得耐心不知道去了那里啊.......
我会好像颠人这样在找你的.......
连我爸都会怕了我那个样啊,他每次都会在tAm我的......
我真的不想要怎样的.......
我不想要你不理我啊.......
因为会让我感到我的安全感全都不见了.......
我就会有很怕很怕的感觉........
可能我习惯了有你在身边啊,突然不理我好像失去一些东西了.......
我已经很努力的去完全不再做出你不喜欢的事了......
可是还是让你感到我在敷衍你........
我不是真的在敷衍你啊,我只想跟着你的意见走......
你喜欢这样那我就做出来给你,只是存脆想让你开心吧了.......
但没有想到你会不理我了......
我真的被你吓倒和很怕,我的心脏不知几时会停止跳动啊.......
我真的不想要这样的......
不要再不理我了.......
我真的很怕的......
失去你我真的不知道会怎样的.......
对不起,因为做了你不喜欢的东西.......

又做错事了............




又做错事了.......又关于到我的......
又从演了以前的事.......
又因为我的要求而出事了.......
又是因为我......又是因为我.......又是因为我.......
我为何要叫姐来载我........
为何要叫她,不能叫别人的哦........
如果我没有叫她的话就不会发生这样的事的.......
都是我的错啊!!!!!!!
这可是人命啊!!!!!!!
我又做错事了......以前的还不够吗.....
现在还要弄的另外一个人出事.......
如果不叫她来载我就不会遇到车祸啊........
为何每次要害到人呢.......
没叫她就不会令到她受伤的.......
我姐就不会受伤的.......
我后悔了.......后悔都来不及了......
我姐她受伤了,她很怕驾车了.......
都是我的错.......
虽然她和爸都不怪我但我还是很过意不去........
我姐去看医生,医生说了好多东西..........
我听后很心痛,也很恨我自己.......
真的是废物来的,留在世上还有用吗.......
整天只会做错事的.......废物一个.......
我妈她说的没有错,打的没有错.......
因为是我而出了车祸啊.......
她刮的两巴是没有错的,刮醒我也好啊.......
她说我不该留在世上是没有错的.......
那两巴令我想起我所做的两件很遗憾的事......
令到我很后悔的两件事......
我知道自己现在说什么都没有用的.......
发生了就发生了......我阻止不了.......
我把发生车祸的事告诉了"他".......
可能"他"说的对吧......这两件事都不是我想要的.......
"他"说其实也不能怪我的因为我根本就不知道会有这种事发生.......
这些事也很难阻止的.......
跟何况都已经发生了,就把它当成一个经验......
希望下次不会再有这种事发生吧.......
"他"跟我说了很多......我也想了很久.......
我是时候放下以前和现在所发生的事吧.......
把它当成是经验,希望下次不会再犯错了........
我真的很感谢你帮了我那么多........
我会很记得你说的东西的.......
谢谢你啊!!!!!!!!!!!
真的爱死你的!!!!!!
这两件事我不想再去想了........
我已经很累了因为以前的事........
我很想停下来休息了.......
所以我选择了放下它......
好好的休息一下,不想背着这个酱重的包袱了.......
是时候放下那么重的包袱休息下了........
把脚步放慢让自己看看下这个世界的没个角落.......
可能还有些事需要我解决吧.......
或许因为他我终于愿意放下这个包袱吧.........
好了不写了.....累了......
晚安^^

嗨....最近终觉得自己怪怪的......




是不是因为最近把你从心里拿了出来......
觉得心里好像空虚了很多........
因为直从你的离开后我都一直把你放在心底......
从没把你从心里拿出来.......
因为你对我来说是多么的重要的.......
从认识你那天起我知道你对我来说是最重要的.......
但因为我的错你离开了我.......
我很后悔那天我的要求为何要酱多呢.......
不然就不会发生那种我不想要的事啊.......
那天后我再也没有机会再看到你了......
我真的很想念你的........
但最近因为我爱上一个人了......
我的心就好像让那人给住进了.......
不是因为我不专一而是我的心现在整个是属于他的了........
我真的不想把你从我心里拿出来的......
因为你永远都存在我心底的.......
我从来就没有忘记过你.......
只不过我的心不再是存在你那里了........
已经把整个送给那个人了......
对不起,原谅我不再像以前一样爱你了......
有人说我很不细心,很不关心人,很不会疼爱人.......
但以前的我不是这样的是因为你的离开吧......
因为你的离开我的细心,关心和疼爱都跟着你的离开一起走了.....
但我答应了他要疼爱,关心和很细心的对待他的......
我已经很尽量的在做因为除了你以外我从不这样的......
现在我竟然为了一个人而做了我很久没有做的事了......
难道我真的那么的爱他吗.......
真的没有他我会死的很难看吗......
真的没有他我会变得很崩溃吗......
真的没有他我会很痛苦吗........
真的没有他我会很辛苦吗.........
真的没有他我的世界就不精彩了吗........
我也不知道.......
因为好久好久没有这种感觉了........
那种感觉从你离开后就跟着离开了.......
可是有了那种感觉又能怎样呢........
因为那个人都不可能会喜欢或爱自己吗......
gOr总是说为何还要爱那个人因为他都不可能会喜欢你的.......
为何要让自己酱痛苦,辛苦呢.......
我跟gOr说爱上了就爱上了,感觉这回事是很难忘掉的.......
感觉来了就来了,要它走也要等很久......
爱上一个不爱自己的人就是酱痛苦和辛苦的......
而且我要的答案从我喜欢他那天起就已经知道了......
可是我还是一直的在等下去.....
我也不知道自己在等什么啊......明知就没有奇迹的出现的.....
还是在等等等......告诉自己很多次是不可能会有奇迹的......
可是还是放不下......我到底要怎样叻.......
没有他存在的一天会把我弄成精神崩溃.......
他一天不理我,我可以准备去死了.......
gOr听到我酱说后就骂我说你竟然为了一个不爱你的人做出酱多事........
你是傻了还是爱到疯了.......
我到底是什么啊.......我也不知道叻......
拍拖永远都不可能出现在我的世界里........
因为他根本就不可能会喜欢我的,然而就不可能接受我了.......
拍拖好吗????嗨......不可能的.......
以前存在我心里的那位一开始时他也不喜欢我的.......
是我还没认识他时就喜欢他了,过后因为一些原因我们认识了.......
认识他我觉得很开心,我们一碰面就说跟不停的......
玩到不停的,还和疯狂的.......
不久,我们就开始了.......他说认识我的时候就有点感觉了........
在一起时,永远都是我最关心,最疼爱,最细心的.......
可能是因为怕有天会失去对方吧.......
但我越怕的感觉它就越出现,我不想要的事终于发生了.......
因为我的要求就永远失去了他.......
对不起,我做错了.......后悔也来不及了.......
失去我的细心,关心,疼爱,等都跟着你离开了我......
再也找不回了,我变了另外一个人.......
越来越讨厌自己了......越来越恨自己了.......
但最近我爱上一个人了,他竟然能让我为了他而改变很多......
我发觉我的细心,关心,疼爱等都因为他而回来了......
是因为他跟你一样酱吗......我也不知道叻......
不过可以肯定的就是他很特别的.......喜欢他特别的感觉......
嗨.....有时奇迹是不可能会出现的.......
因为在我的世界里应该没有奇迹这两个字吧........
我也怕我的期待回换来绝望,心碎,心痛吧了.......
所以我唯一能做的就为他改变咯.......
嗨.....不懂自己是为了什么......看到他开心吗????
不属于我的东西我再怎样去争取都没有用的.....
争取后只会弄的大家不开心........
还是让它顺其自然吧.......
属于我的话,就会是我的.......
不属于我的话,我去动也没有用吧.......
但问题是我放的下吗?????
我的心已经给了他......我该怎样呢.......
很累了......不写了.....
晚安^^

生为一位厨师他只想要他的客人吃了他煮的食物后




会感到很开心......
会告诉他煮到很好吃.......
会跟他说声谢谢因为煮给他们吃........
会告诉他吃了后的评语........
好让他可以再接再力的为客人煮出好料理........
相信这几项对客人来说要求应该不高吧.......
但事情往往都不是厨师就能决定的.......
客人们永远都做不到厨师所要的东西........
嗨......厨师感到很失望很失望......
因为客人永远都做不到自己要的东西........
但厨师也不想因为客人达不到而不再为客人做美食了.......
所以厨师每次都很努力的做出客人想要的食物.........
因为虽然他知道客人达不到他要的......
但他还是很想客人吃后可以很开心的.......
所以他每天都煮给客人吃.....
因为他也不想客人再饿肚子然后又胃痛.......
厨师心疼客人所以决定了做早餐给客人.......
但有时客人还是达不到厨师的要求.......
不过厨师不怪客人因为客人有吃完厨师煮的食物那就够了......
厨师就觉得很开心了.......
因为厨师只想做个容易开心的人......
希望做个带个客人欢笑的厨师.......
厨师可以因为一件小事而开心到很久......
所以只要客人只做些小事或说些东西厨师可以开心到不用睡了......
厨师也很希望每当他做美食给客人时
客人可以达到厨师想要的要求........
希望客人跟他说声谢谢,告诉他好吃吗,告诉他吃了后感到开心的感觉.......
因为每次厨师都放了很多心思进那些美食里.......
他希望他的诚意和心思能感动到客人.......
不过厨师也知道自己很难达到自己所要的要求......
所以他的期望也没那么高.......
因为怕带着太大的期望反而变成太大绝望再变成心碎.........
虽然没有太大的期望但始终还是得到绝望和心碎.......
厨师不敢跟客人要求太多.......
因为他的身份只是一位厨师......
要求太多就没有资格再煮美食和得到客人的赞同.........
因为厨师永远只负责准备美食吧了.......
嗨.....做出一道很好的美食对厨师来说是非常重要的........
然而客人的感谢,心情,评语,支持,赞美等都对厨师很重要.........
但因为上次的美食失败了,厨师跌的很严重了......
信心没完了......失败都厨师来说是件很严重的事......
因为他失败的美食让客人吃后会感到很绝望的.......
因为客人把他所有的信赖都附托在厨师身上了.....
现在厨师失败了,连厨师本人都接受不了这个考验......
那敢希望客人会再接受厨师的美食了......
但厨师只想要客人可以感谢他,支持他,和告诉他今天的心情..........
虽然美食已经失败了.......
因为有客人的一句谢谢让厨师感到很开心.......
但这种失败心情很快的就要跟我说声再见了......
因为厨师是个容易开心的人......
不过厨师不会因为一次的失败而放弃了准备美食给客人.......
他会很努力的去准备美食给客人的......
希望有天可以得到客人真心的感谢,支持,评语,心情,赞美.....
那么我相信厨师的美食一定会一次比一次还跟好........
好了不写了......很累了.....
晚安^^

逃避对我来说是件好事吗.......
现在的我很想逃避所有的事.......
因为我真的觉得很累很累了......
但我从来就不会埋怨什么.....
因为我答应你我要为了你而改.......
所以再怎么累我都要顶咯......
可是我还是很想逃避那件事......
我很怕我会从喜欢变成爱你......
因为我不知道你又会怎样,会再怕多一次还是只好接受呢......
因为你一怕我就会再有恐惧感我怕你不知会怎样对我.......
今天我们看到一本杂志说星座的东西......
写了我们的性格和爱情的东西......
它写着我和水瓶座的人很不配哦.......嗨......
看到我很不爽了而且很hUrT的感觉咯......
然后就去看你的咯.....其实你的也满准的........
它写你的性格和爱情满准的.......嗨......
我知道我跟水瓶座的不配跟金牛座很配......
我很不想去相信的可是我跟金牛座的人真的满陪满好玩的.......
就好像我跟我sU酱咯.......它写的东西有些满准的有写满不准的........
所以我有些很不相信咯.......我也很后悔我去看那本书啊.........
嗨......不懂啦我真的很怕的.......
我真的好想逃避所有的事.......
我很累了真的真的很累了......
好想好好的休息下,休息后就不要再起身了.......
可是我又不敢这样做因为我真的不能不理你和不能没有看到你吧.......
我答应你的事我都会去做完给你,因为我真的想你开心不再酱累了.......
如果你真的开心我真的真的会很开心的.......
可是有件事我怀疑了好久好久.......
我也问了我的朋友关于那件事.......
可是我就是不敢问你,因为我怕我问了后不是我要的答案啊.......
可是今天因为一些事我竟然把我怀疑的事告诉你.......
因为这个问题你之前也有说过可是到最后你说应该不是吧........
可是今天我告诉你后你又开始觉得可能有哦.......
可是我很没有自信在你的答案上.......
我怕你的答案不是我要的.......
可能我是真的爱上你了,想要的就是......你.......
当然我不知道你会想要吗........
因为到现在你还不清楚你到底有没有喜欢我吗.......
有时我真的感到很累,很痛苦,很辛苦当我喜欢你........
但没有办法咯,因为我喜欢你吗.......
可能你很想逃避吧但我不想逃避哦......
因为我sIfU tRaIn到我不能再逃避任何事了......
要我去面对所有的事所以我去面对我可能会从喜欢变爱你事实咯........
但竟然你认为你逃避是件好事的话我会尊重你的决定的......
我也不想逼你做你不喜欢的事哦.......
就好像不想逼你去面对你不想面对的事......
嗨......我不知道现在想要怎样哦........
我的朋友说当我跟1个人在一起时我会是最细心,最疼爱,最关心的那个........
可是往往都会是我得到伤害和心痛最多的.......
可是我还是依然的会再次的细心,疼爱和关心那个人.......
到最后被受伤,心碎的人还是我自己的.......
我不知道我朋友说对吗.......
因为连我自己也不知道自己会是不是怎样的........
所以到现在我还是不知道逃避对我来说是好还是坏啊........
因为我真的不敢再逃避任何事有关于你的.......
可能真的变成爱上你了吧.......
也可能痛苦,辛苦,心碎,受伤我已经习惯了吧........
到底喜欢你还是爱你才好呢???
到底我该不该逃避所有的事呢????
我好想要得到一个很好的答案.......
不写了,很累了.......
晚安咯^^